I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
