never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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