I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
