At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
