i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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