What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
