i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
