I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
