Yo dont text me then not text me
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
