Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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