I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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