I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
