It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
