i always forget guys have bellybuttons
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
