and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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