i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
