Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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