no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
