you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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