whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
