Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
