Need sex. Gaining weight.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
