my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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