I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Please don't give away my fajitas
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