Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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