What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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