and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
