Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
