Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
