It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
