just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
