She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
