I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
