Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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