Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
