the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
