he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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