farters have to be the big spoon...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
