apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
