I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
