I didn't shave. On purpose
Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
