in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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