It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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