I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
