the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
