Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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