somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
