You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
