there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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