Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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