What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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