I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
my shit smells like andre
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
