a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
