Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
